I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
