woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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