She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
