ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
