I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
