Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
