ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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