allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
