i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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