I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
