then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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