We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
