batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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