if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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