awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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