Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
