youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
