I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
