suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
