i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
