My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
