That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
