I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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