I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
