Got a toothbrush?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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