Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
