I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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