I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
