clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
