I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
