it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
