He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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