That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
