she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
