I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
