I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
whose parrot is this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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