so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
