maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
