Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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