he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
