I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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