Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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