This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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