he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
two words...techno handjob
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
