I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
