She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
