Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
