dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
