meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
