when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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