if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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