He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
