today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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