I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
